Last Updated on September 30, 2025
7 Unhealthy Ways Families Cope With Addiction
7 Unhealthy Ways Families Cope With Addiction At A Glance
- The article outlines six common but unhealthy coping mechanisms** families often use when a loved one struggles with addiction, including blame, isolation, rescuing, inappropriate roles, self-medication, and unrealistic expectations.
- It emphasizes that these behaviors, while often well-intentioned, can perpetuate harm and deteriorate family relationships over time.
- Nova Recovery Center offers a family program designed to help break these patterns through education, counselling, and support—helping families adopt healthier ways of coping.
- Key takeaways include recognizing enabling behaviors, managing expectations of recovery realistically, and understanding the emotional roles individuals in the family may fall into.
Table of Contents
Addiction impacts every aspect of the family dynamic, including finances, behavioral roles, stability at home, and the mental, physical, and spiritual health of each family member.1 If left untreated, addiction may very well destroy the family, leaving nothing behind but the broken pieces of what used to be.
How Substance Abuse Affects Families
According to the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University, families facing substance abuse and addiction frequently face the following consequences.2
Families with substance abusers typically face more financial pressure as these individuals are at greater risk for job instability, long-term unemployment, and accidents or injuries at work.
Substance abuse in the family increases the likelihood of unhappy marriages and divorce.
Male alcohol and drug abuse are associated with an increased risk of partner violence, which also increases the likelihood that children in the household will engage in substance use as well as a result of the stress and trauma of witnessing violence at home.
Children of substance abusers are often neglected or abused. Adults with substance use disorders are 4.2 times more likely to report neglectful behavior and 2.7 times more likely to report abusive behavior toward their children.
When a family member is suffering from addiction, other members of the family typically adopt certain behaviors, thoughts, and attitudes to cope with the destructive impact of the drug abuse. These coping strategies may seem like the only way to deal with the addiction, but in fact, are often very unhealthy and harmful.
Nova Recovery Center offers an intensive family program that is designed to help families heal, communicate, and move forward with their lives by combatting some of the unhealthy coping strategies that many families adopt when faced with substance abuse.
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Coping with Addiction: 6 Ways Families Deal with Substance Abuse
Here are six common ways family members cope with addiction and six ways our family program at Nova Recovery Center addresses these issues.
Family members may blame the addict.
Many family members don’t understand that addiction is a chronic, relapsing disease.3 As a result, they may blame the addict, claiming that they are just too unmotivated, lazy, or don’t want to get sober.
How Nova’s family program can help: Educating family members about the disease of addiction is key to combating thoughts like these. Our family program seeks to provide a wealth of information about the effects of substance abuse on the brain and how that influences self-destructive behaviors, as well as the importance of professional support and treatment in addiction recovery. This type of education can help family members develop a more understanding and compassionate mindset to support their loved one.
Family members may isolate themselves.
Family members may feel ashamed of their addicted loved one’s actions and isolate themselves from other people in the community as a result. They may also not want others to know what’s going on or be in complete denial that there is even an issue.
How Nova’s family program can help: While a loved one is in drug rehab, family members will benefit from seeking the support of others who are in similar situations. Joining a local recovery support group for families and friends of addicts is a great way to engage with other people who are facing the same struggles and receive support. During our family program, we encourage family members to get involved with an anonymous community support group, such as Al-Anon or Nar-Anon. In fact, our staff members even travel off of our addiction treatment center campus with family members to begin finding support.
Family members may continually “rescue” the addict.
It’s extremely difficult to watch a child, spouse, parent, or sibling suffer from the consequences of their addiction and it’s very tempting to “rescue” them from these consequences. Some family members may find themselves bailing a loved one out of jail, cleaning up their messes, lending them money for rent, or lying to protect them from job loss, financial distress, or a painful breakup.
How Nova’s family program can help: While it may feel like these actions are loving and helping, they are actually doing more harm than good. Throughout Nova’s family program, we’ll discuss the damaging effects of enabling behaviors, what they look like, and how family members can modify these behaviors to provide the love and support an addicted loved one will need once they complete drug and alcohol rehab and return home.
Family members may adopt inappropriate roles.
There are several different roles family members may take on to cope with a loved one’s substance abuse.4 They include:
- The Hero: This person strives to overachieve and be successful to overshadow the downfalls of the addicted family member. On the outside, this person may seem happy and confident, but on the inside, he or she is usually very isolated and emotionally withdrawn.
- The Caretaker: This person wants to keep the family together and functioning. He or she usually enables the addict by taking over all of their responsibilities and encourages other family member’s codependent behaviors in the process.
- The Mascot: This person seeks to draw attention away from the addict by masking the problems with jokes or making the situation seem less serious than it really is.
- The Scapegoat: This person also seeks to draw attention away from the addict, but does so in a more destructive way. He or she may get into trouble at school or work, have run-ins with the police, or begin using drugs and alcohol too.
- The Lost Child: This person is very concerned about the addict in the family and the way it is affecting other family members, but withdraws emotionally to avoid the drama and conflict.
How Nova’s family program can help: Nova’s family program can help family members recognize codependent and unhealthy family roles that may have gone unnoticed. Our counseling and therapeutic staff will also work with family members to develop and practice healthy methods for confronting a loved one’s addiction.
Family members may self-medicate.
Facing addiction and substance abuse in the family can be very overwhelming, especially when you’re trying to maintain a sense of stability at home, continue with regular daily activities, manage the finances, and do everything else that keeps a household running. Some family members may self-medicate with drugs or alcohol to cope with the stress.
How Nova’s family program can help: If more than one family member is suffering from substance abuse or addiction, Nova can help. Our drug and alcohol rehab programs provide supportive, individualized care to help adults of all circumstances and backgrounds overcome their addiction(s). Our family program is designed to be a safe space where everyone can listen, be heard, and get the help they need, regardless of the situation. Continued family therapy and individual therapy may be necessary to overcome other social problems connected to a loved one’s substance abuse.5
Family members may have unrealistic expectations about recovery.
It’s easy to think that once an addict goes to rehab, he or she will come back a saint and life will be perfect. Unfortunately, unrealistic expectations like this can cause stress and damage relationships between the substance abuser and his or her family members.
How Nova’s family program can help: Long-term rehab is essential to maintaining a life of sobriety. Unfortunately, 30 days in rehab just isn’t enough time to make impactful, lifelong changes and even after drug rehab, an individual will need to be involved in a peer support group to maintain their sobriety. Nova’s family program helps families develop realistic expectations about their loved one’s recovery journey and their role in that process by providing context and helpful information about addiction treatment.
How Nova Recovery Center Supports Families Coping with Addiction
At Nova Recovery Center, we understand that families often struggle with unhealthy coping mechanisms when a loved one is battling addiction. Patterns such as blame, rescuing, isolation, or setting unrealistic expectations can unintentionally worsen the cycle of substance use and strain family relationships. Our comprehensive family program is designed to break these patterns by providing education, counseling, and practical tools for healthier communication. We guide families in recognizing enabling behaviors and replacing them with supportive strategies that encourage accountability and long-term recovery. Through group sessions and professional support, loved ones gain a safe space to share their experiences and learn how addiction affects the entire family system. By addressing these unhealthy coping behaviors, families begin to heal alongside their loved one in treatment. At Nova Recovery Center, we emphasize the importance of realistic expectations, patience, and consistent support as vital components of the recovery journey. Ultimately, our goal is to strengthen family bonds, reduce conflict, and create a healthier environment where sustainable recovery can thrive.
Common Questions About How Families Cope with Addiction
How do families cope with addiction?
Families often cope in unhealthy ways such as enabling, isolation, or blame. Healthy coping involves setting boundaries, seeking counseling, and joining support groups like Al-Anon.
How can living with an addict affect a family?
Addiction can disrupt communication, cause emotional distance, increase conflict, and place financial and psychological strain on family members.
What are three ways children can be impacted by addiction in a family?
Children may experience emotional neglect, confusion due to shifting family roles, and a higher risk of developing substance use or mental health issues themselves.
How do families enable addiction?
Families may enable addiction by covering up consequences, providing money, or rescuing the addicted loved one from accountability, which prevents long-term recovery.
What are the three unwritten rules of families impacted by addiction?
Common unwritten rules include don’t talk about it, don’t trust, and don’t feel—patterns that reinforce secrecy and dysfunction in the household.
How does family influence addiction?
Family dynamics, roles, and coping styles can either reinforce substance use or help support recovery, depending on the choices made.
Why do people turn to drugs as a coping mechanism?
Many turn to drugs or alcohol to numb emotional pain, manage stress, or escape difficult life circumstances, but this leads to harmful cycles of dependency.
How can enabling behaviors hurt the whole family?
Enabling behaviors shift the family dynamic, create resentment, and allow addiction to continue unchecked, which harms everyone in the household.
At what point does helping become enabling?
Helping turns into enabling when actions shield the addicted person from the natural consequences of their behavior rather than supporting true recovery.
How to fix an enabler?
The first step is awareness—family members should learn to set boundaries, stop covering up, and seek professional support to change these unhealthy patterns.
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Medical Disclaimer
The information provided on this page is for educational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional medical, psychological, or therapeutic advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Coping with a loved one’s addiction can be complex and emotionally challenging, and professional support is strongly recommended. Do not attempt to manage addiction or related mental health concerns without guidance from a licensed healthcare provider or mental health professional. If you or a loved one are experiencing a crisis, such as thoughts of self-harm or severe emotional distress, call 911 in the United States or seek immediate medical attention. For confidential mental health support, you can also dial 988 to connect with the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24/7.
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- “Chapter 2—Influence of Substance Misuse on Families.” Treatment Improvement Protocol (TIP) Series, No. 39, Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, 2020. National Library of Medicine, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK571087/. Accessed 20 Sept. 2025.
- Mardani, Mostafa, et al. “Challenges in Addiction-Affected Families: A Systematic Review of Qualitative Studies.” BMC Psychiatry, vol. 23, 2023, article no. 492. BioMed Central, https://bmcpsychiatry.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12888-023-04927-1. Accessed 20 Sept. 2025.
Buccaro, Andy. “Family Roles in Addiction – 7 Roles Perpetuating Addiction.” Project Courage Works, 29 May 2025, https://projectcourageworks.com/family-roles-in-addiction/. Accessed 20 Sept. 2025.
